The Book
by kingofsecrets15
Summary: All he'd wanted to do was read the book... Rated T for references, may shift to an M rating; placed in the same universe as my other ES story; R&R if you wouldn't mind.


**Disclaimer: The rights to the Elder Scrolls series? Nope, don't have them. I do have this one shot though…**

The plan had been simple.

Ardel had recently purchased a book from Farengar that, despite the court mage's incompetence and over all lack of magical knowledge, had shown some promise in the eyes of the Altmer, and after purchasing the book with a convenient discount (the Masque of Clavicus Vile had its moments), he had decided that getting to the Breezehome as quickly as possible was his top priority.

"Ardel, hey! Ardel!"

At least, the plan _had _been simple.

At the sound of the all too familiar voice, the Altmer stopped in his tracks and frowned at the approaching beggar, who, despite the obvious displeasure written on his face, continued to call out to him before he came to a stop.

"Ardel, my old friend!" Brenuin gave a wide, brown-toothed grin that had the Dragonborn cringing before he continued, "How's about you do me a favor and buy me a drink? For old time's sake?"

The Altmer gagged and struggled to keep his eyes from watering as the old man's scent of stale mead and altogether lack of bathing assaulted his senses as he responded. "Perhaps later. I'm far too busy to demean myself by drinking with you."

The beggar frowned, but quickly replaced it with another horrifying grin as he persisted, "Come on now, what's the rush? All you ever do is rush, rush, rush; you gotta relax and take it easy, or else you'll end up like…like…uh…"

"You?" Ardel supplied helpfully.

"Yeah, yeah! Like me! Like me…Hey, wait a minute!"

The beggar quickly turned around, only to find himself alone in the middle of the street, the Altmer having already made his escape from the repulsive man as he continued home.

Brenuin groaned at the loss of his free mead before he caught sight of the blonde orphan sitting alone on a bench. "Hey, Lucia! Wanna do yer Uncle Brenuin a favor?"

-X-

Ardel released a sigh of relief as he glanced over his shoulder and found himself to be without his drunken pursuer. He thanked whatever Aedra and Daedra that came to mind for the drunkard's poor attention skills, and prayed for no further distractions as he continued home.

Unfortunately, Hircine was in a sour mood with the Altmer, for Ardel found himself blocked by an all too familiar face as he slowed to a stop and prepared himself for the verbal and possibly physical onslaught he knew he was about to endure.

"Greetings, Aela."

"Ardel."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance as he continued, "Was there something you wished to discuss? I'm rather busy at the-"

"Why are you walking around like that?"

The huntress was rather straight forward, and had it been any other day, he might have respected her for it. But it wasn't, so the Altmer found himself merely annoyed and decided to play coy.

"I don't believe I know what you're talking about."

"Liar. Why did you reject Lord Hircine's gift in favor of a curse like undeath?"

"Because I didn't like waking up to find myself cold, naked, and half-way across the desolate wasteland your people call home? Not to mention that I can't stand the smell of wet dog when it's coming from my dog, so one day discovering that the horrid stench was coming from me, I knew a line had been crossed."

She frowned and scoffed, "Poor excuses, coming from the great Dragonborn, much less the Harbinger of the Companions."

"Don't forget Archmage of the College of Winterhold. That's pretty important too. And before you continue, don't you even think about telling me that you enjoy all the things that come from being Moonborn."

Despite his earlier annoyance, he managed a grin as she stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Now look who's lying. Don't pretend that all those raging hormones you've been 'gifted' with don't have you barking up all the loin cloths you see. Not to mention all the hair that begins to appear…"

Despite the face paint she had clawed across her face, Aela's blush was easy to spot against her pale skin as she coughed into her fist and cleared her throat awkwardly, giving Ardel a hasty farewell as she quickly walked down the street and turned out of sight, leaving the Altmer to promptly chuckle before he looked around and made a mad dash to his house.

-X-

As soon as he entered Breezehome, Ardel quickly bolted and locked the various locks that decorated the door and casted all the rune, muffling, and paralysis spells he knew onto the entrance, effectively ensuring that no one in Nirn or Oblivion would be able to disturb and keep him from the book that he was now dead-set on reading as he sighed and slumped to the floor.

He gave himself a moment to both rest his mind and allow the tension he was feeling to evaporate before he called to his housecarl.

"Lydia, are you here? Make sure that any attempts to contact me are completely and utterly ignored, even if it's from the Jarl himself."

Said woman replied from her quarters upstairs, her footsteps and voice becoming clearer as she got closer to the stairwell. "Yes, my thane. If you're interested, I have dinner fixed and already prepared."

The Altmer merely waved her off and shook his head as he stood and walked into the alchemy room, her footsteps coming to a stop just behind him as he replied. "No thank you. I'll eat later."

"Are you sure my thane? You don't even know what the main course is."

He shook his head again as he placed the ingredients he'd bought from Arcadia's Cauldron into their respective places on the table. "I'm sure my answer will remain the same, regardless of what you've cooked."

"You could at least see it for yourself before you dismiss it so easily."

He rolled his eyes as he turned to face her, "Lydia, as much as I'd love to eat with you, I really would like to just relax and read…my…" The Altmer suddenly found his throat to be a bit too dry to continue as he turned completely and faced just what his housecarl had prepared for him.

Lydia's grin was almost predatory as she knotted her hands behind her back and leaned forward, the Forsworn armor she was wearing leaving little to the quite brilliant Altmer's imagination as she spoke.

"What was that you were saying, my thane? Something about reading?"

Ardel gulped audibly as he backed up and quickly found himself trapped between his alchemy table and his housecarl as she stepped towards him. "Ah, yes actually. I just purchased this book from Farengar, and I'd really…" he grunted as she wrapped her arms around his neck, "…appreciate it if I could read a bit of it."

"Mhm," she hummed as she lazily traced the dark war paint that trailed from his eyes to his neck, "And?"

"And I'd…" Ardel squeezed his eyes shut at her touch, ignoring the way it ignited his skin as he internally struggled between reading the book he'd been trying to read all day and doing things to his housecarl that would result in many, many Bretons being born in the future. The fact that she had begun nibbling at his neck had done little to help his decision making, but his desire to see just what in Oblivion was in that book managed to briefly overwhelm his desire to see _all_ of his housecarl long enough for him to make a plan.

"Love to enjoy this dinner you've prepared, but it turns out there's this thing I have to do and _Feim Zii Gron_!"

Lydia scowled and swore as the Altmer's body became intangible, allowing the Dragonborn to make a hasty escape up the stairs and into his room before the power faded. He quickly locked the door tightly and pressed his back against its frame before her voice carried up from below, the sound both playful and full of warning as she spoke.

"I will allow you ten minutes to your book, my thane. After that, I will be coming up to retrieve you…_without_ the armor."

If Ardel hadn't broken into a sweat before, he certainly was now as the images that came to mind began to cloud his judgment on not eating his 'dinner' before reading his book. He quickly shook his head of the traitorous thoughts; time was of the essence now, and he refused to waste any of the time he had on entertaining such tantalizingly evil fantasies.

At least, for the time being…

He grinned to himself as he pulled the book from its place in his robes and examined the black book's title, reading it aloud as he opened the cover.

"Untold Legends, hm? Let's see just what it is that I've been waiting all day to read…"

-X-

"You must be joking."

The great twitching, oozing, and all together disgusting mass of wriggling flesh that was Hermaeus Mora paused in his speech as he glared down at the Altmer and pointed accusingly at him with several hundred of his limbs.

**"****Be silent, mortal fool. You cannot interrupt me while I am speaking; it is against the ancient laws set in place by those who rule unseen."**

Ardel stared at the Daedric Prince for a moment before he replied. "'Those who rule unseen'? You mean the game designers at Bethesda? That's quite-"

A loud _smack_ echoed through Apocrypha as Mora clamped a tentacle over the Altmer's mouth, effectively silencing him as the Daedric Prince hissed at him. **"Be silent! You are not allowed to defile the sacred barrier that lies between our world and theirs!"**

Ardel scowled as he gripped the tentacle and pulled it off with both hands, gasping for breath once it was gone before he leveled a glare at Mora. "It's called the fourth wall you ignorant- you know what? I'm going back to Nirn, and when I do return, I will ruin whatever you have planned in the future!" And with that, the Altmer promptly opened the black book and disappeared, leaving the Daedric Prince of Fate behind to continue his unescapable dialogue alone.

**Back in Nirn…**

As he returned from his horrifyingly ridiculous journey into Apocrypha, Ardel quickly threw the book down and proceeded to try and burn it to ashes with the most powerful Destruction spell he knew. At its lack of response to fire and any other spell known to the Altmer, he grunted and kicked the book off to the side, where it disappeared out of sight into a shadowed corner of the room.

"Well then," he muttered as he stood from the floor and dusted himself off, "it seems I'll have to get a refund from Farengar once I return to Dragonsreach. Perhaps I should-"

He was interrupted from his musings by the sound of his housecarl's voice drifting up from the first floor as she called to him.

"Your time is up, my thane. Will I have to come get you myself, or are you going to come join me down here?"

Any thoughts pertaining to an incompetent court mage, a ridiculous encounter with the Daedric Prince of Fate, and his refund on the faulty book were left behind as the Altmer practically sprinted down the stairs.

**A/N: Oh boy, looks like there are going to be a lot more half High Elf/Nord children running around Skyrim once those two are done.**

**Of course, there won't be any lemons in my stories ( I'm not writing the next ****_Fifty Shades of Grey _****here), so you won't be getting any details.**

**I hope you enjoyed the fanfic and please, let me know by reviewing.**

**Sincerely,**

**kingofsecrets15**


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